I’m Ugly

I’m not fishing for complements! That’s not the point of this post. I was having a conversation with my mom this morning about how we were treated as the ugly ducklings in the family.

She was told that her older sister would be successful and would marry rich because she’s prettier. And, that she would be nothing because she was ugly and fat.

I was told that, it is sad for me because my little sister is so much prettier than me and she always will be. Because my sister has big cheeks with dimples.

Where in the world do parents and family members get the gall to tell kids this? Make them feel unloved, unwanted and unimportant? Why do they think this is ok? Aren’t we to show them love and understanding?

Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I grew up a tomboy. I did everything my boy cousins did, sometimes more. I dressed like a boy because most of my clothes were hand-me-downs from my boy cousins. I wanted to be a boy until I decided that I wanted to be a girl. When I decided this, I was bullied in school. I was told I was ugly, fat, a dog, a cow and just plain nasty. So, I decided I didn’t care anymore and I decided that I would wear anything, dress anyway, and be no one!

I didn’t know how to do my hair or makeup for a long time and have only in the last few years perfected my own look. I’m 32. What started me caring about my looks after years of ignoring bullies, was my ex husband. He had an obsession with women from Colombia. They are always all fixed up and in form fitting clothes. Made up and their hair all done. He loves them. (In fact he married one after we were divorced.) I couldn’t stand that he drooled over those women. That he was cheating on me because I gained weight. That he complained in church that I wasn’t attractive. So I tried to please him. Of course it didn’t work. But I realized that other men found me attractive because of the change. So I continued to fix myself up and learned to love myself, even if I’m not what society deems beautiful.

I now know that, no matter what others think, I am beautiful because I am a daughter of a wonderful and amazing God. The outside doesn’t matter if the inside is rotten. Everyone that called me names and treated me bad, they were the “ugly” ones. My ex husband wasn’t attracted to me because he never wanted me. He only married me hoping for something I could give him (which fell through). I wasn’t too ugly or too fat. I just wasn’t what he wanted, ever. And, society is too obsessed with sexuality and outer appearance, making anyone flaws “ugly”.

I am beautiful. And, so are you. If you love without needing anything in return, if you know God, if you treat others with love and respect, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL! Don’t ever let someone else’s negativity hurt you. Don’t let someone else’s skewed vision blur yours. You’re beautiful, and you’re loved. I want you to know that!

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This is me, now. Married, happy, “ugly” and fat. But, still yet, I’m beautiful!

Mrs. Ortiz

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About My Life in a Blog

I'm not a writer, obviously. I'm not a prophet. I'm just a woman who finally found her other half and is fighting to be the wife I should be. I have two (actually more) illnesses that gleefully work together to keep me bedridden as much as possible. But, I'm stubborn. I get up anyway, and try to maintain some semblance of my previous self!
This entry was posted in Advice, Anxiety, Bullied, Bullying, God, Insights, Judgement, life, love, PCOS, religion, Weight Loss. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to I’m Ugly

  1. You have a really pretty face, you’re gorgeous, I’m serious. And fat girls are beautiful, it’s a great look for women to be thick, thin isn’t the only pretty. But you’re right that inner beauty, namely a Christian soul, is the really important beauty. A saved soul has beauty that lasts forever in heaven.

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    • Thanks for the compliment. My husband said the same. But, mostly I was saying that society is wrong. And yes, my salvation and my love for God is what’s most beautiful. 🙂 I hope you have a great day!

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