My husband still works a lot. I barely see him. But, these days I’m busy a lot of the time, so I don’t feel as lonely. And, because I have a demon cat to give my guinea pig and I company.
She’s mean, but can be oh so sweet. And, she’s entertaining. But, my husband is afraid of her. He says it’s because he’s never had pets, so he’s not used to animals. Yet, she loves him, and wants to be with him when he’s sitting, or going potty. Which is her thing.
Well, now she’s afraid of him.
It all starts with a husband who’s hardly ever home. One that decides to stay up till almost midnight, every night, despite needing to get up early the following morning. There’s no good reason for him to stay up. Just because he wants to watch television.
This same husband then decides that he’s going to go to bed right after taking a shower that takes him almost an hour. Which doesn’t allow any down time for the house to relax. The cat is still wound up, because he sometimes gets her playing and she’s a cat!! They’re nocturnal.
She also likes sleeping with us. But, he doesn’t like that. I get it, but when she does, she didn’t sleep on him. She doesn’t touch him. He has the fear that she’s going to decide to scratch off his face in his sleep. Really? He won’t really take a chance at getting to know her. And, It’s not like I put her before him. I lock get out of the room and make sure she’s not attacking him when he eats. I try to give him alone time with me and by himself. Etc.
Well, last night, I was using the bathroom before bed, so I wouldn’t have to get up during the night. He kept yelling at me that the cat was playing and jumping on the bed. Instead of getting his spray bottle I made him, he decided that I needed to get out of the bathroom and deal with the cat. Wouldn’t give me two uninterrupted minutes. Literally. Every few seconds, he was yelling. I had only been in there a total of two minutes, but, I can’t go if I’m stressing! So, I told him to just be patient, give me two minutes and I’d come help him. Nope!!!! Not flipping good enough!
He proceeded to get up and scare her out of the room and slam the bedroom door, hard, with part of her in it!!!!! I screamed at him from the bathroom. It seemed to take him forever to open the door back. The whole time she was screaming. I was trying to get out of the bathroom, as he said, “I told you to get out of there and do something about it. It’s your fault.” Completely cold. No remorse in any way.
I’m crying my eyes out because she’s in the living room hurt. He’s yelling at me saying it’s my fault and, “look at the time, he’s sleepy”. I yell and say, “So it’s mine and the cat’s fault that you couldn’t bother to bathe and finish your stupid tv watching at a decent hour? I begged you, just like every night, to go to bed hours ago. And, now you’ve hurt her and you just don’t care. You’re so heartless sometimes.” He continued to say it wasn’t his fault. Still is unapologetic and cold. So I take my pillow to the couch, the very uncomfortable couch.
When I finally got her to come out, she was still scared. If I even got near the door, she ran to hide. I checked her over, feeling for anything broken and to see if she’s tender anywhere. Especially since he wouldn’t tell me what part he slammed in the door. She seemed just shaken. But, acted like she didn’t trust even me. It broke my heart. So, I went to explain to him that she’s going to be scared of us and the door now. (Maybe I wasn’t super nice about it, especially after the way he yelled at me telling me that it was my fault and all that.) He was still cold about it saying, “It’s not like I did out on purpose, It’s your fault for not getting her.”
I just walked away. And stayed in the living room until he slept. I dozed off for a couple of hours. Then, I finally had to go back to bed or I wouldn’t sleep at all. He was out, sleeping comfortably, like only he can after an argument. So I didn’t bother him, laid down and tried to sleep.
This morning I’m woken by the slamming of doors… So I get up and check everything out. He’s in an extremely foul mood. I guess still angry from last night. So I asked him if he was okay, he said no and to leave him alone. I asked him what’s wrong and he yelled at me that he was tired because he didn’t get to sleep… Which is a lie. He slept more than I did. In fact he was snoring most of the night. I let him leave. He rejected anything I had done or offered to do, except his lunch of course. Food is more important to him than I’ll ever be. But, he just left, angry and hating me.
Am I wrong in feeling like his disregard of my hurt pet, which he allowed me to have, is a disregard for my hurt? I just feel like he really doesn’t care how I feel, and thinks that, since I only babysit (for money), cook and clean, that he’s more important. Because he CHOOSES to work 10-18 hours a day? They don’t make him. He chooses to. Again, disregarding the fact that he has a wife that is waiting on him.
I don’t want to leave him over the cat. But, the cat just showed the truth about how he really feels. That he’s never at fault for anything and he’s more important than me or anything. He’s getting worse with how he acts with me. The way he acts like he’s more important. He never says “please” or “thank you” unless I refuse to do something for him. It’s always, “Bring me something to drink. I’m hungry, give me something to eat. Give me the phone. Give me the remote. Do this. Do that.” I’m sorry but, last I checked, a wife isn’t a servant. I don’t mind doing all those things. But, at least treat me like a human being with feelings!
This situation just seems to be the icing on the cake. It’s not about the cat, now, she’s doing okay. It’s his complete disregard of how his attitude makes me feel. And, usually, my depression makes me feel like it’s my fault. Everything. I think about wanting to die. But, this… This just showed that I’m not the only problem in or marriage. His anger, coldness and apparent hatred of anything I enjoy or love, is a HUGE problem!!!
I married him for better or for worse. I did. But, I didn’t know worse was hating everything I say, do, enjoy or am! I thought worse would be poverty, illness, etc. I don’t know what to do. I’m exhausted and just want to sleep forever. I’m tired of the anger, indifference, etc. Tired of being blamed for his laziness in getting things done and his not caring if he doesn’t do something. I can barely handle my own guilt. But, now I am the one carrying all the guilt for both of us! And, I’m not that strong. I’m really not.
I love him, but that angry, hateful side of him is growing and it really scares me. I just need something to intervene. He won’t do counseling. I’ve been trying. And, he won’t study the bible with me. So, I’m at a loss. I guess I just have to keep praying. And working on myself. It’s really all I can do.
mdortiz14 